Chart 6 What's your gain?
People do what they want. All behavior is motivated by doing what is wanted by each person. We always do what we want, we always have a gain: a getting something out of it, a reason to do it. For example, not everyone likes to work but usually work is the means to get the desired gain which is to live, pay bills, eat, etc. We might obey the laws because of fear of punishment with the gain of freedom from retribution. Or we might obey the laws because of our conscience and/or relationship with the Lord and want to please Him. Pleasing Him will satisfy our conscience and spirit so we can be in harmony with Him.
Personal and social interaction always has gain also. When we interact with others, there is an underlying gain to the behaviors we exhibit. When we interact with ourselves, we have a gain in the way we perceive and treat ourselves. An example is that we hurt our self by internalizing a negative perception of our self. What's the gain in that? Well, there is one. By having self defeating behavior, we actually exalt and dwell on our self which is pride. Sounds backward? See: Fear, Pride, Control video
Below is a formula that you can use to find out what is your gain. Pray that God will give you understanding/introspection into the underlying gain that is producing negative behavior and ask Him to help you remove it from your life. (Philippians 3:15; Psalm 139:23,24; 2 Corinthians 7:1; Ephesians 4:22-32)
Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.
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What actions we do (inwardly or outwardly)
Behavior I won't say no to people when they ask something of me when I should say no (people pleaser). |
Why we do these actions (behaviors)
Why? 1. Scared of rejection. 2. Don't want to hurt their feelings. 3. Helping makes me feel good. |
What we are gaining from our behavior
What's the gain? 1. I don't have to confront anyone. By not confronting, I do not have to face truth. Avoiding is controlling; fear and fleshly walking is reigning. 2.Trying to avoid hurting someone's feelings by not telling them what they need to hear, makes it easier for me. I am gaining selfishly by doing what is easiest for me and not what is best for them. Tactfully telling someone the truth of the situation is always what is best for them, their highest good. 3. They will think I am wonderful. My ego (pride) gets stroked. |
Behavior
I want to lose weight, even though I have no medical or physical reason not to lose, I can't do it. I've tried and tried! |
Why?
1. Scared of change. 2. I want a party in my mouth! I like the taste of food. I enjoy my meals and it comforts me. 3. It is too much work to do it correctly. |
What's the gain?
1. I get to control my life and my fear instead of confronting it. 2. I make myself feel good with food instead of seeking God and asking for self control. I am turning to physical remedies instead of spiritual comfort. True satisfaction can never be attained by physical means. Short term gratification is exactly that - short term. 3. I get to not put forth my best effort and blame it on lack of time or too hard. My time is out of my hands, life is too busy. Life can be overwhelming but God can help with time issues, access to assistance, etc. Instead of relying on God to give me what I need, I rely on myself and try to control the situation. Leaning on physical means lends to chaos as well as the flesh wanting to comfort itself. 1 |
Behavior
I cheated on my spouse. |
Why?
1. It was thrilling! My life is boring and too routine. 2. I want attention. 3. Emotional dissatisfaction. |
What's the gain?
1. I get to feed my carnal desires. Feeding those desires makes me feel, it entices physiological responses. I reap to myself the things of this world. I feel in control of my life. 2. I get to feel wanted. I feel under appreciated with my spouse and this new partner makes me feel wonderful. Low self-esteem (pride) is being soothed. Seeking validation from others instead of from God. 3. I get to feel connected with this other person. My spouse and I don’t share our feelings, like the same things anymore, and spend too much time apart. My emotional connection with this other person makes me feel wanted and like a whole person. God makes you whole. He is to be your everything! True contentment and satisfaction comes through a relationship with Him. When we are walking in the Spirit with Him, we feel complete and then can share that with our spouse in the marriage relationship. Feeling connected to someone without God in the mix is just that – feelings. Don’t live on your feelings. |
Behavior
Drugs/ Alcohol |
Why?
1. I feels good. 2. To fit in with the crowd. 3. I like me and the world better. |
What's the gain?
1. Seeking fleshly pleasure to escape from problems and feelings. 2. That crowd makes me feel accepted. They validate who I WANT to be. 3. I get to hide from who I really am- my faults. I don't have to deal with the world rightly or deal with their faults. |
Behavior
Follow God |
Why?
Because I know it is right |
What's the gain?
Spiritual connection; peace; conscience feels right |
See Chart 6 explained in the video: Free Will